The Pit of our Re-Birth
by Amber Agha
When entering the dark pit of our inner world- we are entering a magical and at times painful space of being. We are entering the very deepest parts of our inner selves. Here lies all we have shunned or put away saying we would look at another time. Here lies all the times we said we were okay when we were not. Here lies all the times when we did not cry out or shout out our pains or losses, hoping they would go away. Here lies all the dreams we felt were never realised, all the times we felt we had failed ourselves or others. Here lies all we are still to know and so heal.
And here also lies our greatest power. For in facing these aspects of ourselves, we are coming to own all parts of ourselves. We cannot come into our Power when we are censoring who we are. Our shadows are just as valid as the part that stands in the light. For as sun and moon are in harmony, as day turns to night and back into day and then to night so we travel between these worlds in our own selves.
Empowerment means we are in our God/Goddess given glory aspect of Self. Means we are in a space of Love that lives unconditionally. Means we are fully aligned with all we are and came here to be. It would be nice perhaps to think that we came to this place from floating above the messiness of life and strong emotions. Or its sometimes fed we come to this place from being “love and light”. We are human. We are Spirit in a human body. That experience means we are here to dance between the human aspects that feel those less than palatable emotions like rage, revenge and the perhaps more elevated aspect that sees into this all with Love and Acceptance. We do not ignore one to have more of the other. We do not ask the sun to stop shining because we prefer moonlight. We learn to navigate both and see the inherent wisdom and power in both.
Shamanically when one journeys there are three worlds to traverse. The Upper World, the Lower World and the Middle World. The Lower world is the place of the ancestors. And so it is also the place of all in us that has been passed down, and the family, the wounds, the child that seeks healing. Its the dark cave, the pit sometimes. Its the place of power and healing. It can be the place of incubation. The Upper world can take us to heights of elevation and communion with Divine beings. However one and the other are needed for all aspects of oneself. Guidance will come in different forms in both worlds. We house these worlds in us also and we travel to them when we start to find the road map of our inner world. For the external world is a reflection of our inner landscape.
So we need to go into this pit. This pit shall hold the key to who we are and what we need to heal. And it will also be a place of re birth. The pit is the place where we take our sometimes battered self to heal, to die and then be re born. It is the womb, it is the Divine Mother in us who sees our scars from the playground of life and allows them to bleed until they start to heal of their own accord. It is the place of release. And until we release we cannot make space for the new.
So what do you need to grieve, what has remained un-grieved in your life? What is it that you say you will look at later and when will that later be?
I have been to the pit many times, sometimes so deep I thought I would never come back out. To heal childhood wounds. To allow them to bleed dry until they start to heal by themselves. Knowing that the scars may not go- but the associated pain can and does. So one day we look at these scars and touch them and they no longer hurt. They become our signs of a life lived. And what a life too!
I have been to the pit to mourn and grieve the part of me that yearned to be a mother for so long. The part of me that dreamt that one day I would be settled down, with a home in the country and kids running
around after me. The part of me and my womb that longed to bring life into this world- with a passion that consumed at times. Being in this pit has been so incredibly painful at times that it felt like I was losing my mind. I was! I was losing the part of my mind, of my being that was locked in a dream. I was losing the longing that was standing in the way of the happening. And there is always more losing to go through until the regathering begins.
The dismemberment of parts of ourselves to be re-membered is vital. Life is a constant cycle of longing, penetration, growth, birth, life, death and re birth. We go through these phases constantly. When we start to recognize these phases we start to own the cycle and so see where is the time to rest, to grieve, to go out into the world and to be re born.
The pit is the place we are re born from. It is our burial chamber at times, where we lay our weary selves to rest and say this is what is no longer working in my life and this is what must leave my life in order for me to be re born. This is what I give to the earth to be recycled and this is what I shall be born from. So as we shed the old pasts we have carried in us we feed the pit with the fuel we shall need for our re birth.
And how long do we spend here? Who knows. As long as it takes. How do we not get lost here? I believe by being aware. By knowing this is my surrender and release time. This is my dying time. I must allow myself the time and space to truly let go so I can return to the dawning sun and start anew and with a deeper knowing of self.
The pit then is our greatest space of learning and empowerment. Should we shun to go there for fear of it being messy, for fear of the perceived darkness, we live a half existence. Every plant digs deep into the earth with roots for grounding, for strength for the ability to stand tall under the elements and soak in the light. And so must we. We dig down deeper into who we are every time we go into this pit. We did down deeper into our power every time we go into that space so we can truly soak up all that life has to offer when we come out the other side.
Our grieving and death in the pit is far from the end. It is simply the end of a cycle that may not have served us. It heralds the start of the re birth. And anything may bring us out. A friend, a song, a shaft of sunlight or just the desire to leave now. Should we know all is held in the loving arms of Spirit- we then know that all is safe and all has the ability to transform us – as all is Love.
The Burial is a Shamanic Initiation. It is a death to be re born. In the grave one faces all one’s fears, the time in there seems an eternity and there is no one to distract us nor to blame. We have just ourselves. All our fears, our dreams, our pains, our strengths to get us through that night. And when we come out, when the morning’s early sunlight hits out eyes we know we have come through our dark night, we have faced all that we feared and we have been given a new day to step into with all we discovered in that grave. I have been buried in initiation, I know what that long night feels like. And I also know we face our own burials metaphorically many times in many ways. Love does not die. And so what is of Love in us shall keep us alive in ways we could never even have imagined.
The pit shall re kindle your Love fires that shall keep you warm as you allow the last breath of all that must die to leave you. And that same Love, that lies in you, that is the God/Goddess in you- shall wake you when the time has come and tell you this day is the day of your re birth. Go live now with the knowledge you gained from that long night.
And so it is. It is so.