Love and the Fairytale
by Amber Agha
Have we created a fairytale scenario in our search for Love? Do we have an impossible check list that constrains rather than allows? Are we looking for the “perfect” match than allowing what is meant for us come to us?
Often when we are growing up we may have fantasies of the dream partner- and this will most probably involve a list of attributes we feel are THE most important aspect. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes, green eyes, brown, rich, slim, etc etc. The list goes on and on. We can set an idea of what we want. And we most of the time end up keeping this as a default setting in our inner worlds. Leggy blonde, tall, dark handsome millionaire, french artist- whatever works for you!
The thing is when we do this we are shutting out all the myriad experiences of life from coming into the play. We are Spirit in a vehicle- this shell- and its an important shell this body and one to be honoured and respected. It is also important we see beyond it to the soul beneath because truly that is what we shall be having a relationship with in the end as the body grows older and looks fade. When we see the beauty of a person as the physical and the inner then we truly can never be swayed by any illusions.
Its worth noting what one’s fairytale scenarios are about the Love we are seeking. What is on your list? What have you said your partner “must” have. How long is this list? And if you could trace it back when did these demands first come into place. Sometimes it can be because there has been a wounding in our lives and so our list becomes about anything but what may have been part of that last experience. If the one who broke our heart was a blonde now we somehow may feel never again with a blonde. Cliches like blondes have more fun and so on abound. Never trust a……. and so on.
So have a look at the list, sit with when this list was compiled and why. Now look at it again and ask yourself- what on this list is totally non-negotiable? What are your deal breakers so to speak and be brutally honest with yourself. What does your partner need to have. It helps if you focus more on the inner qualities that the physical- however if the physical attributes are a must- then be honest about that. The more honest we are with our selves the more we start to see that attraction and the inter play of relationships is less about rejection and acceptance but more about whether we feel this other person aligns with what we wish for. Its a preference is all and as such cannot be taken personally if we are not someone’s preference or they ours. However what it is right we are mindful about is how constricting our preferences may be. If we have a list that means we are still searching for what seems forever perhaps we need to ask what on my list is holding me back from experiencing another?
Once you have made a list of all that is paramount for you in another. Then look again at the list and hone it down to a top 10 and then sit with that list and bring it down to a top 5. And when you have done that- take a break, come back and hone this list down if you can to a top 3. Okay
so now you have 3 maybe 5 attributes that are absolutes in what you need in your partner. This will be unique for you. Not everyone is looking for what you are looking for so stay authentic. We may be told what is the “perfect” union- however this is what “perfect” means to you. And above all- let’s admit- perfection does not exist- it is the messiness of life that is what holds the magic. This is about what you are seeking. That may change, for now its good to know what you are seeking. Now you have something to work towards.
Now look at the list you have made and look at the attributes you have asked to meet in your Beloved. And then ask how many of these attributes do I have in me? How many of these attributes do I possess? For how can we ask something of another we have not mastered, travelled ourselves? If we want stability in our lives- it does not serve anyone least of all ourselves to ask this of another when we have not created this in our own lives. So if you want a grounded partner- as yourself how grounded am I? And if not- then what can I start to do to bring that into my life- to be that? For our outside world is but a reflection of our inner.
And then this is the work we now do- we look at embodying that Love we are seeking from another. For when we are in a place of non seeking then that which is meant for us can find it. The yearning is important and its vital that yearning is put to good use- through deep inner work, its the fuel that shall get us out of our comfort zones and into a place of true adventure. However sitting still and waiting and we sit with check list in hand saying yes, no, maybe- separates us from the magic of true manifestation. Which is as we come into greater alignment with our True Self, our Highest Self- then all that matches that frequency also comes into our lives.
So if we find ourselves facing a series of stagnant patterns repeating its worth asking where do these sit in me. If you meet partners who somehow are not able to commit or end up being deceitful in some way- then ask: where am I like this towards myself, towards others? And when we find that place thats where we use that yearning as the fuel to heal and befriend those places in us. Its work, yes, however its work that is about falling in Love truly- with Self and with Spirit. And when we have that Love in our lives we are not seeking- and when we stop looking what happens? We tend to find the very thing we were looking for in the first place. Those keys you couldn’t find until you stopped looking? Yes it works the same for whatever else we wish to manifest- we do the work and then we let go and put our attention someplace else. And putting our attention on Self and Spirit is a good place to be when coming from a place of Love.
The fairytale list is the stuff of childhood and when we are locked in a place of the child seeking to be rescued we are not in the space to attract a partner in the truest sense. And build a life beyond the confines of the fairytale.
Blessings to you on this path of True Love